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Winter 2011 (Dec-Feb)
Everything seemed to be awash in a perpetual cycle of pain & uncertainty. The pain in my left hand (which was acquired from the spill I'd taken that early September weekend from chasing one of those infuriating cats off property) has still not subsided, leading me to believe that I've actually sustained a minor bone fracture, which has recently resulted in a trifecta when joined by a pair of classic ''pain pals'' which have been lying dormant for years: the #2 toe on my right foot which I'd (probably) broken just a few days after having arrived in Hawaii, and the knee on my left leg, the same area which was injured over two decades ago when a car clipped me and knocked me off of my bicycle just a couple of months before I'd first met who would later become my first wife.
My so-called ''employers'' have also been jacking with me since that day I'd called off-&-on in regard to an illness I'd suspected might incapacitate me from finishing the then-schedule they'd (again, ''temporarily'') had for me, having left a message for me only once after about a two-week quiet spell... then nothing until very recently. (details in first journal entry below) In the meantime I'm still trying to keep myself current on the radar screens of several of the various other companies here locally to let them know that I'm still interested in working with someone else in this field, but for some reason it seems as if I'm being deliberately sidestepped.
My next door neighbors to the North are continuing to make my life miserable; if it's not @$$#0L3's ''holler-singing'' yawning sessions (which still go on, though often nowhere near as ear-shattering or constant as back when, but still very frequent and no less irritating), they have now ''upgraded'' into frequent loud angry yelling matches with each other -- often complete with smashing & trashing their apartment, and again during all odd hours, but most often whenever it's ''dark'' outside (regardless of what time of ''day'' or ''night'' that ''darkness'' happens to be enveloping the world). Their arguments seem to focus mostly around her paying the expenses and yelling for Mr. Loudmouth to ''get out''... but she still seems to insist on keeping Mr. Discourteous around, which only means more hell for me & others to endure.
And as if to add insult to injury, the stinking cockroaches have been re-invading my apartment with a nasty vengeance, reminding me of their tenacity and allowing me only the briefest sigh of relief from the short very temporary victory. ''Bedbugs'' are also likewise attempting to stealthily, sinisterly re-establish their presence.
Unmentioned Highlights From Previous Quarter
December 12 - 16, 2011 (Monday-Friday)
Finally allowed myself to be backed against the ''deadline'' wall after three months of procrastinating to head down to the ''official'' kiosk at ''Sears'' (Ala Moana) to pay the internet/telephone bill from the new ''cable'' hook-up. I'd postponed it this long because the previous two attempts were fraught with some B.S. -- the first location (the cellular provider inside ''Chinatown Cultural Plaza'') making some B.S. claim that they (as strictly a ''middleman'' operation) could not accept personal checks (for services that they did not even provide); the second location weeks later (''Foodland'' grocery chain) refusing to accept payment without an additional $1 ''service charge'' (in other words, ''double dipping''). So ''Sears'' became the option when the cable company's service representative explained that the service center there was not a ''middle man'' operation, so I'd be dealing directly with the service provider.
Prior to riding out to Ala Moana Center I'd stopped into the post office to pick up my mail, which included the most recent net/phone bill, and thus was able to pay for the next cycle with the actual statement rather than just ''tacking on'' over & above what I'd thought was then ''recent.''
Upon returning from the errand, I'd noticed a memo on the apartment complex's posting board informing us of yet another transition of ''resident managers'' to be taking place soon.
Also in the mail was a letter from my absentee ''employers'' who lied out of their ass claiming that they'd been leaving multiple messages on my answering machine (a mutha-freaking lie!) and took my lack of response as an indicator that I'd no longer wanted to work. So shortly after returning to the apartment I'd made a (very) reluctant phone call to the office to inquire about this B.S., making deliberate certain to point out how in stark contrast I've received messages from family calling clear across the opposite side of the Continental U.S., from local bill collectors, and even from people dialing wrong numbers, but yet somehow no messages from the main office have EVER been left on my answering machine? (It had regrettably slipped my mind that I'd also intended to point out the fact that during this extended ''dry spell'' of waiting for them to call with scheduling offers I'd also called into the office to ask matter-of-factly if they'd been responsible for all the calls I've been receiving whereby whomever is calling keeps hanging up without leaving their information, and I'd been told that ''nobody'' at the office has been calling.) I'd also proven all they'd been saying to be blatant lies when after one of the office managers tried to imply that it may have been the result of a ''mix-up,'' that it was possibly due to the office still trying to contact me via the ''old'' number after I'd supplied them with the ''current'' number, I'd called the previous number the next night (around 4 a.m. Wednesday morning, one day after I'd been told to expect a ''follow-up'' call which of course never came) only to discover that said number had still not been ''reassigned'' to anyone... ''answering'' service or not!), so there was no way in Heil Hitler that they could deflect with that for an excuse. So with all of these factors involved (among the other issues I've been having with them from Day One), I'd decided to forego calling them back Wednesday morning, as instructed, if I'd not heard anything back from the scheduling manager on Tuesday.
While originally intending to use Friday to try to reapply with my former employer, another headache & gut grinding illness set upon me, making me run to the toilet something like every half-hour on average and keeping me bedridden all day. Even though the intent in this state was to try to rest it off as best as I could, I was forcibly being kept up & focused because the ''private video message'' I'd been working on since post-Midnight was refusing to upload & render properly onto the video hosting site which shall henceforth go ''unnamed'' as a result of their blatant disregard for the ''user community'' who made the site what it is (... or rather, what it once WAS), which involved a 1 GB file of a 2-hour+ long ''personal letter'' video to the young woman in my birth-state who seems intent on making me her fiancée which took nearly 2 hours to just 'upload' and either failed or was inadvertently cancelled until the final (half-dozenth) attempt.
''Week in Review''
January, 2012
Depression, lack of motivation, plain old ''laziness,'' tiring of all the gathering & ''updating'' of the information and events of my so-called ''life,'' and really not wanting to deal with all of the tedium & stress related to trying to keep this ''journal'' thing current (especially since I've been relegated to ''re-saving'' the original documents which contain all of the formatted information this ''homepage'' activity is based on, since ''Windows SUX-P'' has refused to open them in the format in which they were saved in ''Macin-trash'' and require me to find a way to try to bring them back over to the Win-PC) have all kept me in such a state of disinterest in, and outright ''avoidance'' of, documenting the highlights of my daily/weekly activities, even though a number of ''significant'' things have been occurring since the last entry.
So since I've long since forgotten the precise ''whens, wheres & hows'' of the events of the past month, most of what this will be is a ''highlights'' reel of sorts, in an attempt to play some form of ''ketchup,'' as it were.
It was just a few short days after ''Xmas'' that the people who were intent on trying to make the claim that they ''could not get in contact with me'' during those past couple of months somehow ''miraculously'' managed to leave a message on my answering machine (''updated number'' and all!) and working me in on a... (wait for it) ...a ''regular'' schedule! They wanted me to do ''split duties'' at two different accounts (12 & 15 miles west outside of the city accordingly, doing 2 back-to-back 8-hour ''overnights'' and 2 back-to-back 12-hour ''morning-to-evening'' shifts respectively). So mainly because of my growing concerns over my worsening dental condition and similarly failing eyesight (compounded by the still-sore left hand, along with the sudden & unannounced ''knee & leg'' pains, which could possibly be signs of impending arthritis) and because of the fact that what ''available funds'' I still had on reserve were running frighteningly low, I'd allowed myself to transition into the new routine despite all of their conniving & underhanded jerk-a-chain mistreatment, rather than continuing to try beating down doors of other employers in the field (and possibly even ''outside'' of it) who repeatedly brushed me aside anyway, which even if hired would still mean that only that much more time would have to be factored in before being able to ''qualify'' for health care benefits, on top of the time it would take for them to actually be ''activated.''
So since that last week in December, throughout the whole of January, not only had I been working the schedule they helped establish for me (even though it could pretty much be safely assumed that the only reason they pulled my name out of the hat was to compensate for the significant number of employees who'd decided to drop off of the rolls between the ''holidays,'' so they needed somebody post-haste to ''fill-in'' on a figurative ''moment's notice''), but I'd also been commuting back-&-forth on an expired ''safety inspection'' decal.
Fortunately, the ''safety sticker'' never posed a problem -- it was all the murderous @$$#0L3$ who kept trying to involve me in some sort of wreck or spill: from one early morning on the way to the 12-hour jobsite just a couple of blocks away from my place of residence where some filthy fudge-dick eater coming from the opposite direction cut ''left'' in front of me, causing me to come LITERALLY within inches of slamming into him/her/it; to on at least *4* (four) occasions on the freeway (all while returning ''from'' work, if my recollection is not faulting me) impatiently pulled themselves in front of my close enough to make it seem as if they were intentionally attempting to sideswipe me; to one jackasshole pushing a shopping cart across the middle of the street in the pitch dark of a rainy night as my motorcycle was approaching and bearing down, forcing me to take an emergency braking action which nearly caused me to wipe-out onto the pavement, and this happening just as I'd come within literally a few short metres of the jobsite driveway entrance! Most curiously, this madness did not begin to present themselves as problems or concerns until I'd promised the young woman back east who's insisting that she wants me for her marriage partner that for the sake of her concerns I'd resume wearing my motorcycle helmet.
In relation to the motorcycle itself, I'm still finding myself having to deal with all sorts of inconsiderate and what increasingly appears to be ''harassing'' behavior which seems hell-bent on keeping me in a constant state of frustration and/or with the stated intent to ''inconvenience'' and ''hinder'' mobility in and out of our courtyard: in this case it involves yet another encroachment of ''clutter'' in the gas meter cubical area where ''Lynette'' stays parked, now mostly in the form of various ''carts'' (including a huge-ass stolen ''shopping cart'') which has been infuriating to such a point that my angrily slamming them out of the way has been causing me to be something of a disturbing nuisance myself as a result -- it had gotten to the point to where one morning in the third week of the month I'd taken the liberty to forcefully remove and relocate the ''stolen'' cart a few blocks away from the property... only to, you guessed it, have it replaced with yet another offending ''stolen'' cart the following week!
Between all of that, ''GoogleTube'' has been harassing and disregarding its ''users'' yet again with what is scheduled to be yet another half-ass working, user-unfriendly, and *EXCRUTIATINGLY UGLY* new design for the site, especially that of our ''personal channel pages!''
Also, the ''intensity'' between myself and the young woman in Jersey seemed to be growing with considerably mutuality, as I'd found myself confessing my own growing feelings for her despite our far & open absence... and though while still ''uncertain'' and hesitant about giving myself over completely to any idea that we may actually have something ''genuine'' develop between us (given all of the seemingly ''negative'' factors involved), I'd found myself appreciating the resurrection of these ''close bond'' feelings I'd long since thought had died & been buried. I'd begun opening myself up to her with more frequency and determination, hoping that with each new revelation she'd still be committed to the idea of us becoming an ''item'' and not ''turning off'' once a number of my most closely-guarded ''secrets'' in our video exchange encounters were brought into the light.
''Month in Review''
January 30 - February 3, 2012 (Monday-Friday)
After ''risking'' it for the entire month of January (when it should've been done the month prior), I was determined to get the motorcycle into the shop early this week to finally get my ''vehicle safety inspection'' made ''current.'' I'd been given even more of an incentive to make sure I'd gotten it without any more procrastination, since on my way to work early Sunday morning the second of both of my ''low beams'' gave out, leaving me only with ''high beam'' operation. (I'd discovered that the first one had failed sometime on one of the nights during the previous midweek while leaving my closer-to-town jobsite.) I'd debated whether or not to ''fix'' the non-functioning bulbs in the dashboard (one clearly the result of a loose connection, the other's condition indeterminate), but since it was nothing I'd really considered ''priority'' and felt that it posed no ''safety risks'' at all, I'd made the decision to opt-out until I'd reached closer to my next scheduled service date, which is when I'll go all-out, getting the rear tire replaced and having performed on the machine whatever else may make it more strong & capable to make the trek across for county in a coast-to-(almost)-coast tour, should I manage to find a way to ship it off Island when I'm ready to vacate the middle of the Pacific and return to the Mainland hopefully by this summer -- dependent on the fact, of course, that I'm not interested in just shipping it all the way out to wherever it is I'll be trying to settle myself in (which, sadly, is beginning to look more & more like my mother's spare bedroom in SW Virginia to start out & get my ''bearings'' for wherever I'd like to try for next).
In close relation to that, the following day (Friday) was the latest accessible date to my ''deadline'' for renewing my Hawaii State Driver's License ($40 bucks!), so that's another bullet dodged (and another expense putting me deeper into a financial hole). ''Motorcycle insurance'' is also due at the end of this month; and I still don't know when my post office box renewal is scheduled for. (Plus I've got another two-month overdue Internet bill, paychecks still waiting in the office, plus ''tax forms'' which need to be acquired & submitted. I hate this ''Modern World'' and all of it's ''paper.'')
And I've had an illusion shattered this week, when on Wednesday the young woman who claims she's wanting to become a family with me has shown that she's not very good at keeping a confidence, but will also allow herself to be conned & manipulated by others into exposing her hand and letting her guard down, even when concerns for personal safety (mine as well as hers) are expressed. I'd asked her (and ''reminded'' her, after I'd learned she was already ignoring my requests that she guard our ''privacy'') to protect our anonymity in our online collaboration and other personal interactions on that Google-corrupted video hosting site where we participate. But because she's allowed some shrew bitch to goad her into ''revealing'' herself in the forum-- this on top of all the earlier ''secretive'' stuff she had already been doing --upset me to the point that I needed to find a way to lash out and make my disappointments known without going into any sort of a tirade or getting overly emotional, so I'd done the only thing I'd thought would help get the point to hit that much closer to home, which was to withdraw all of my work & anybody's access to it, as well as my refusing to actively participate in the forum other than to just ''lurk'' around, so that way I could allow her to be backed into a position where she would have to ''fend for herself'' against all the nastiness & disrespectful accusations that would be launched at her as a result of ignoring my warnings (not to mention similarly disregarding my ''disapproval'' of her request after she'd actually ''asked'' for my ''permission,'' even while letting it be known that she was already going to be ignoring my concerns anyway and was determined to do something that had the potential to risk revealing too much personal information about ourselves). After everything I'd overlooked in the past... even after ''alerting'' her to the fact that I'd already known she had shared part of that information with someone who had rather quickly ''turned'' on her... she allowed some slimy snake of a [quote] ''woman'' [unquote] to treacherously manipulate her ego and goad her into ''revealing'' herself to the entire online world of a bunch of strangers who could be damn-near *ANYBODY* -- all because she thought it was no big deal to let some rotten-crotch ''Baby Mama'' whore ''trick'' her into ''coming out'' and exposing herself simply because this fetid-cunt bitch (who unsurprisingly NEVER shows ''her'' face in any of her videos!) ''accused'' and supposedly ''exposed'' the both of us as/of being the ''same person'' operating two deceptive accounts using ''voice altering'' software programs to disguise our voices and sexual identities. So with the temporary ''repeal'' of all of my channels & uploaded works, I knew that this would set her up for even more of an assault, making it appear to Ms. Rancid Twat and anyone believing or entertaining her supposed ''exposé'' as though she was shutting down her ''alter ego'' channels as a means of doing ''damage control,'' thus leaving her to be faced with the reality of just how vicious these online sharks can be once they smell blood in the water. In conjunction with this, I'd also ceased all private/personal contact with her, until it gave me time to settle down and allowed more time for her to reflect on her actions and the seriousness of them... although she seems to be giving indication that she still doesn't quite ''get it.'' Even so, in the meantime, I'd already started the process (beginning Thursday night) of coming back with the force of a neutron bomb blast for all those jerks & assholes who wanted to keep pretending that they didn't know, or couldn't tell, that we were clearly and verifiably two very different & distinctive persons, although I'm planning on holding off on that until sometime after the weekend -- especially since it's going to involve a lot of exposition and ''multimedia'' content.
''Week in Review''
February 5, 2012 (Sunday)
Broke with my ''silent treatment'' in regard to both my online activities and my female partner-of-interest earlier than I'd originally planned, mainly because of the desire to get in on the conversation of the latest news regarding the failed marriage of a man among one of the popular ''African-American issues'' networks on the particular video-hosting site where I'm an active member, which shall from henceforth remain nameless as far as I'm concerned, since they obviously care $#!T about the users/participants who've made the site the success that it's been all of these years. This came in conjunction with what I'd already planned for this weekend, regarding the attempts to vid-capture & photograph the birdlife around the area of my jobsite (particularly our ''kolea'' (migratory plovers which winter here annually from Alaska), and to document the shoreline near ''Barber's Point Harbor'' with the added intention of capturing video/photographic images of the ''Black Pearl / Queen Anne's Revenge'' from that ''Disney'' movie I'd never seen (nor ever wanted to) featuring Johnny Depp... but I figured that my ''Gracie'' (the pet-name I'd given to my girl, after ''Gracie Allen'' - the wife of George Burns) would appreciate it, as I'm almost certain that she's seen at least one of those movies (...I'd purchased a super-pack of AA-sized batteries the previous evening right after work for that very specific purpose alone).
Regarding the 'tough-but-loving' chew-out I'd given to Gracie via private video upload regarding why I'd gotten so upset with what I'd expressed as her ''stepping out of line,'' I'd felt it imperative to enlighten her to the fact that she had a dangerous personal character flaw in her weakness for falling into treacherous & deviously laid traps of complete strangers who attack her ''Achilles Heel'' & set her set her up for potential damage/harm. This was of especial concern to me because of the fact that she's actively attempting to include me as the intimate partner in her life, and because of this, I needed to impress upon her that BOTH of our identities needed to be shielded and ''protected,'' and that I wasn't just trying to be some paranoid, antisocial ''stick-up-the-bum.''
(late-entry)
February 17 - 26, 2012 (Weekend-Weekend)
During the first weekend I'd continued to snatch up a few items of ''Hawaiiana'' and things of an ''Asian'' flavor for my ''Girlfriend'' on the opposite side of the Mainland, which began sort-of on an ''impulse'' during the prior week.
My major purchase came Tuesday morning (the day after ''President's Day''), while the flat rear tire I'd acquired in Kapolei after ''Pau Hana Time'' that prior Sunday evening (when I tried to do the right thing by pulling over to the freeway shoulder when a wailing ambulance came up from behind) was in my motorcycle mechanic's shop being repaired. The purchase was in the form of a gold-trimmed pendant (sterling?) & box-link chain of a ''honu'' w/a ''plumeria shell'' which was purported to be part of a ''70% off'' sale on again what was purported to be ''originally'' priced at $72. Regardless of whatever the ''truth'' of the matter was, I thought it was a pretty piece (one of only two in the display cases: a smaller one for about $5 less, and the larger one which I'd finally decided upon) and was more ''unique/original'' than the other piece I was also strongly considering of a gold-trimmed pendant/chain of a plumeria with a ''diamond'' center which were quite ubiquitous, hence ''too common'' for my tastes/personality. So the pendant/chain was a purely ''impulse'' buy at the time, and was a nice compliment to the two floral ''hair clips'' I'd purchased for her earlier in the week (one being of a hibiscus, the other of a plumeria, both purchased together, though quite costly, simply because I was unable to choose between one or the other).
Even though I'd considered my ''care package'' collection complete by this past Friday (24th), I'd still postponed the ''running of errands'' which included not only shipping the ''care package'' out, but also paying my internet/phone bill, gathering my ''tax-reporting'' related documents, and still holding off on claiming my paychecks & tax statements still sitting in the office, as well as submitting my information in order to get my ''health care benefits'' activated.
These past couple of weeks have also been a strong testimony in reminding me of just how imperative it is upon me to pack my belongings and leave this place for good. These so-called ''neighbors'' I'm forced to endure are really doing everything in their power to reinforce in my mind why I hate living around other people and why I so wish I'd chosen a different path regarding my skills development and/or education so I could afford to live in the middle of some empty patch of rural country somewhere so that I wouldn't have to deal with all of the nerve-searing annoyances & causes for conflict which comes from concentrated living... ESPECIALLY among a bunch of economically ''lesser-off'' individuals who don't seem to understand the simple concepts of ''consideration'' for one's neighbors! (I'm not even going to go into any of it again, lest I become utterly & entirely enraged!) As if living under the stresses of this fabricated ''document waking moment of every single facet of your life'' existence weren't overly pummeling & mentally straining enough!
''(late entry)''
February 28, 2012 (Tuesday)
Ran about town this morning & afternoon, determined to confront many of the things I'd been putting off for so long, first intent on mailing off the ''care package'' I'd arranged for ''Gracie,'' only to discover that I'd forgotten to bring her mailing address with me, so I had to return to the apartment to retrieve it -- although while still at the post office I'd inquired about shipping costs and was informed that the ''Priority'' Flat-Rate would be more economically feasible for the trip to New Jersey. I stopped into the state & federal buildings to pick up tax reporting forms prior to returning to the apartment to retrieve Gracie's address.
On the way back out from the apartment, I'd in error started off instead to pay my motorcycle insurance for this year; with that (deadline item) out of the way, I then returned to the post office to send off the gift package.
Afterwards, I'd finally rode out to the company office in Manoa to trade-in my uniform shirt (after having been informed during the second ''surprise'' inspection Thursday night, when I was the complete ''opposite'' of my ''on-point presentation'' game from the prior week, that we were making a 'transition' in our public appearances), to pick up my tax reporting records (which I'd never received in the mail) and whatever paychecks I'd still had on hold there, as well as to have the one ''expired'' paycheck that had been mailed out to me in late-November ''reissued,'' plus (and especially) to fill out my forms for my health care packages (medical and optional dental).
(I chose to hold off on depositing my multiple paychecks until later.)
(day late entry)
Winter 2006 (Dec-Feb) /
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Summer 2007 (Jun-Aug) /
Autumn 2007 (Sep-Nov) /
Winter 2007 (Dec-Feb) /
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Summer 2008 (Jun-Aug) /
Autumn 2008 (Sep-Nov) /
Winter 2008 (Dec-Feb) /
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Winter 2009 (Dec-Feb) /
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Summer 2010 (Jun-Aug) /
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Spring 2011 (Mar-May) /
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Autumn 2011 (Sep-Nov) /
Winter 2011 (Dec-Feb)
